by

Gloria Wilcox

I am sure you've heard the old adage "A Mother's Work is Never Done". An updated version would say "If mothering is done ineffectively, it can leave wounds that may affect her child for a lifetime." Mothers have a very important job to do. They set the blueprint for their children's relationships and self-esteem. Fathers set the blueprint for action out in the world.

A mother's neglect or overt hostility can affect a child's feeling nature for life. Among adults, the lack of mother/child bonding is the major core wound. This can become the basis for feeling insecure, unlovable and low self-esteem.

This wounding is intensified if a mother doesn't have rapport with her child or share a child's wave-length. This lack of wave-length could cause a child to interpret its mother's actions improperly and feel unloved. It's necessary to heal "mother wounds" in order to reach one's love potential. The good news is "mother wounds" can be healed.

How can we get rid of these mother wounds? Meet Sally, a twenty-five-year-old corporate accountant. Sally had a hard time trusting love. She needed excessive reassurance from the men in her life that they loved her absolutely. Unfortunately, her demands for love undermined her relationships. Her lovers became exasperated and impatient with her. They perceived her insecurity as a reflection upon themselves. They concluded that they were inadequate as lovers and would leave her. Consequently, Sally was constantly in terror that her companions would pull away from her. When she came to me to get some help she said, "I'm desperate. There must be something wrong with me. All my lovers get upset with me and bolt."

At the time of Sally's birth, her mother had succumbed to severe postpartum depression. Sally's natural need for bonding was not met. Although Sally's mother recovered from depression, the bond had not been formed. Sally carried her insecurity into adulthood.

As an intuitive hypnotherapist, I've observed the phenomenon that once the mother bond has been broken, it requires healing the client's trust issues. The job of rebonding and rehabilitating trust is most effective if it's done in an atmosphere of maternal nurturing with an Open Heart. The qualities of tenderness, gentleness and reassurance are like a healing salve on the wound. They accelerate the rebinding and rebuilding of trust.  

In the summer of 1998, Sally and I worked together to help her re-establish her sense of security. The first task was to understand the link between what had happened to her at birth and how it has affected her current behavior. At Sally's birth, the shock of her mother's emotional absence had altered Sally's blueprint which determined how she would respond to relationships. The goal of our work was to set up a new blueprint at a very deep level in the subconscious mind so she could love with ease.

After helping Sally identify the source of her problems, we went to work on the transformation. Under hypnosis, I asked her subconscious mind to go to a significant memory. In her mind she saw a scene of a small baby in a crib crying with anguish. She wanted her mother to pick her up and hold her. When her mother ignored her, she concluded "I'm not lovable." I helped her to become aware of her pain and to allow herself to feel the pain underneath her anxiety. I asked Sally to sense where the pain was stored in her body and she pointed to her heart. At this time, I applied one of my pioneering techniques.

I asked her heart to speak. Because Sally was in a deeply relaxed hypnotic state, her subconscious mind answered "I'm scared to open my heart to love. I'm afraid love will go away again." I directed Sally to feel deeply the pain of loss of love . As she allowed herself to feel, the pain became less intense. She focused on the pain for a few minutes until it subsided. After this, she said "I feel lighter." Clearly, she was on her way to healing.

The discoveries of this session affected Sally's feelings about relationships immediately. At our second meeting, she told me, "I feel more relaxed. I'm less fearful my lover will leave me." In this session, I led Sally through a process where she released the subconscious pattern "expect love to leave" and transformed it to the replacement pattern "love is secure." It was as though we were reprogramming her internal computer and bringing back the natural love she was born with.

In the third session, I had her return to the origin of her problem. Traveling through Sally's subconscious, I guided her back to the day the pattern started. Her subconscious mind took us back to the hospital where she had been born. It was the second day of her life. Sally was lying on her mother's chest. Her mother was depressed, self-preoccupied and unresponsive to her beautiful new baby. Sally felt neglected and pushed away. She was powerless to ask for what she needed, which was her mother's love. She needed to feel her mother's heart was open to her. Without this connection, she could only cry with rage.

Since no results came from her screams, Sally repressed her rage. Later, this repressed rage manifested as anxiety, especially when she tried to open her heart to love. During Sally's teenage years, the anxiety made her fearful and nervous around boys. She had no idea of why she was so nervous.

As Sally lay in the recliner in my office, I instructed her to imagine herself as a two-day-old baby on her mother's chest looking into her mother's eyes. I asked her to speak to her mother about the pain her mother's withdrawal of love has caused her.

For about 10 minutes she emptied her pain with vigor and tears came to her eyes. This catharsis got some of these feelings off her chest and allowed her to begin to release her suffering. Her natural love for her mother welled up, and she was able to begin to forgive her mother. By traveling to the core of her pain, releasing her anger and transforming the pattern of the subconscious mind, Sally had been able to feel a sense of security that she had yearned for all her life. There was an amazing power that came alive within her using the subconscious mind. She didn't have to go back to her mother with anger in person.

One more step was needed for completion of this healing. Sally needed to bring her mother into an ideal state where she could function as an ideal mother. I told Sally, who was in a deep trance, to ask her "Wisdom Source" in her subconscious mind what the qualities are in her grandparents that affected her mother's emotional blueprint? Sally took a leap of faith and trusted that she could receive this information by asking this question in a deeply relaxed state.

As it turned out, her maternal grandfather had been an angry tyrant who doused his feelings in a bottle. Sally's grandmother had been a non-assertive, fearful woman who did not set limits. In Sally's imagination, we took her grandparents to a "healing place". With her power of love, Sally taught her grandfather how to speak the truth with love instead of anger. Also, Sally taught her grandmother assertiveness skills. Finally, Sally imagined her grandparents loving her mother as she grew up. Because of this love, she could imagine her mother growing up in her mind as a loving parent. This process allowed Sally to design a new prototype of security in love herself.

I hadn't heard from Sally for nine months when she called recently to invite me to her wedding. She said, "Without your sessions, I couldn't have felt safe enough to fall in love."

In the twenty-five years I've practiced intuitive hypnotherapy, I have observed that the primary issue with clients has been the agony of not feeling secure in love. In 1975 I devised, amongst other techniques, the Seven-Step Emotional Release Process. This process, coupled with the concept of "Love is the Healer" has helped me to help Sally and my other clients experience rapid release of subconscious patterns.

Copyright 1999, Gloria Wilcox. All Rights Reserved.

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For more information, call or write:

Gloria Wilcox
Healer of Emotions & Hypnotherapist

(415) 479-HOPE (4673)

Post Office Box 4131, San Rafael, CA 94913
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